All about Rice Paddy Hats Today

"When I was in heaven and the lord said pick a straw any straw... I picked brown. Should I wear my rice paddy hat tomorrow?"

On Blogging

"Are you reading my blog?! STOP READING MY BLOG?!"

(In reference to how unfunny he thinks it is that I post the funny things he says.)

Sex Slaves

"I would never sue Larry for that, he would just be my sexual slave... for life."

(In reference to accidentally starting his pants on fire.)

Dreams

"You shouldn't be concerned so much about me dreaming about you. It's the details of the dream that make it exciting."

Tuckus

"I showed her the birthmark on my tuckus that looks like Jupiter. Do you wanna see it?"
(On why a co-worker is not at work today)

(2 minutes later)

"Would you like to see the asteroid belt?"
(Gesturing at his waist)

Thundercats Ho!

"Frickin' Sweet! She was busty for a cartoon!!"
(About Cheetara)

The worst bit is that this comes after a comment about her ass.

“It’s a good thing Heather has a big head too.”