Only in the 80's man...

Brian: "Are you giving me a snow job?"
Theo: "OOOH SNOWJOB! That Sounds Sexy!"

Who is dancing for who?

"Hey Larry, tomorrow is Secretary's Day so don't forget it's the day for the lap dance."

I don't think he understands the concept of detoxing

Theo: "Heather detoxes too, but she detoxes from people."
Me: "In other words Heather stops talking to you for two weeks and you call it a detox?"
Theo: "Well..."

Sometimes the setting is the worst part

(In the second floor men's bathroom)

"From now on I am not going to hold it in for as long as I can. Instead I am just going to go when it comes. You know, like the indians."

Boogers

"My biology teacher in high school used to say that the carbon that comes out of your nose (ie boogers) could be the carbon from dinosaurs."

He is one of those guys.

"I don't pee in closets although I did put my bed in there once and sleep in there."

Candy Coated Chocolate Flavored Candy

Theo: "Yes Liz, it's more rocking than your usual affair."
Me: "No, it's a fare, not affair."
Theo: "It's more titillating for it to be an affair."

He definitely has a self confidence problem

"All my ideas are good ideas."

He's talking about... pudding?

"It's like a personal massage on my tongue."

Lactating...

"Seriously man, are you lactating? Stop massaging your nipples during work!"

Not nominated for 2nd floor employee of the month

"What about you Bill, are you wet and tingly?"

where does he think he's going?

"I just want you all to know that i"ve enjoyed working with you. you're good people and if i should be offered a job in tobago or barbados or san francisco or somewhere in europe i will have to bid you farewell. but until that time..."

old meat?

"It smells like old meat in here. I SMELL LIKE OLD MEAT!"

Whatever gets him in the mood

"Did you just try to grab my crotch?!? You just tried to grab my crotch!"

(30 Seconds Later)

"Hey [name deleted], remember last night? How are your rug burns? Did you put some salve on that?"

Anal probe-y?

(holds up a flashlighty thing to Annie)

Theo: "Do you like this?"
Annie: "It looks a little anal probe-y."
Theo: "Would you like an anal probe?"

"Such a sausage fest, It'll be like heaven for a woman"

"I also wanna go see Transformers cos there's gonna be like BIG LINE of hot chicks."

Keeping You Abreast

"Mmmm Breasts. Yes!"

Does He Think We Believe This Stuff?

Me: "Why are you staring at me? What did I do?"
Theo: "I am just admiring the beauty of the environment around me."

And There Was Prancing

(While I am working quietly away at my own desk, staring at my computer monitor)

Theo: "Why are you lookin' at me?"
Me: "What?"
Theo: "YOU! You are lookin' at me!"
Me: "Uhhh"
Theo: "Do you need a closer look?"

(Theo prances across the room and stands 3" from my face)

Theo: "There! All better?"
Me: "Uhhh"

Lightsabreing?

(In A Yoda Voice)

"YES! I AM DONE! I AM LIGHTSABREING IT ALL DONE TODAY! TAKE THAT YOU PUBLIX HEADER!"

(30 seconds later)

"Chewbacca is much more fun to do but I can't do it right...
YAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!"